Does anyone actually read these?

Da EvilBobmobile wuz big and cool. It had a big gun and could blow stuff up. Sumdude wanted to giv it a paint job, but Evil Bob said “u can’t give da EvilBobmobile a new paint job, cuz its red, and red iz my colour.”

“But it would look really cool wiv sum flames and stuff,” replied Sumdude.

Then Lex1nat0r came along, and said “I can help zzzzz Sumdude zzzzz make his own Sumdudemobile and zzzzz he can paint zzzzz it anything he wants zzzzz.” So Lex1nat0r and Sumdude made a Sumdudemobile and killed sum dudes.
Da End

Sorry this one's a bit late!

Ded Bob wuz ded. He liked to make other dudez ded too. One day, Evil Bob came up to him and said “me and the rest of Da Krew wanna go for a killing spree in the EvilBobmobile, do u wanna come?”

“Okay,” replied Ded Bob. So they went to go for a killing spree in da EvilBobmobile, and these iz da results:

Evil Bob: 26 innocent bystanderz and an old fogie.

Ded Bob: 29 innocent bystanderz.

Sumdude (in da Sumdudemobile): 34 innocent bystanderz and 5 old fogies.

Lex1nat0r: 23 innocent bystanderz and 24 policedudes.

“I liked that,” said Ded Bob.

“I zzzzz didn’t zzzzz mean to kill those policedudes. They zzzzz just zzzzz got in da way,” said Lex1nat0r.

“It wuz still cool,” said Ded Bob.

“So what iz we gonna do now?” asked Evil Bob.

“We could go for a picnic,” said Sumdude. So they had a picnic in da park.
Da End